


Unbecoming

by thechaoscryptid



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anbu Haruno Sakura, Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Angst and Porn, Dark kakashi, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Hopeful Ending, Mating Bites, Mating Bond, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Possessive Behavior
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:46:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23702548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thechaoscryptid/pseuds/thechaoscryptid
Summary: I clipped my wings and fell from flightto open waterand floated fartheraway from myselfKakashi has been so much, and yet he still wants more. He wantsher.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi, Shiranui Genma/Yamanaka Ino
Comments: 105
Kudos: 334
Collections: Naruto Wonderland





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Request was an omegaverse with dark/possessive Kakashi 😁❤ Not your thing? Please leave it alone, thanks!
> 
> Lyrics and title from [Unbecoming](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLrn1IqMZSs) by Starset.
> 
> Many thanks to Kumatt for giving this a read-over, and to T for letting me whine about how many times exactly I've changed this haha

There's something special about missions alone with Kakashi. He allows Sakura to see the parts of him he does his best not to let slip around anyone else--his quiet laughter, the way his eyes crease with a smile, his exhaustion and pain when he's hurt. He's a little more human when they're alone together, and she lives for the days they spend in service to the village.

There's something about the hesitant way he rests against her in the middle of the night when there's nothing but them and the stars above for company, but recently, it's been harder to convince him to even be  _ near _ her. He pulls away when she draws close, stiffens and looks to the side when she looks up at him.

Logic says it's because she hasn't taken her last round of heat suppressants, but there's nothing she can do now to alleviate the symptoms beginning to invade her body. It’s for the good of the village, after all, for this coming mission no one’s happy about. 

He's no one's alpha and likely never will be, and she needs to remind herself of that before she ruins this friendship entirely.

They've had so many conversations about it over the years, even before the war. When he became hokage people pushed him to mate, settle down, but with fire in his eyes, he insisted he wouldn't. Couldn’t, now. After, when he had his chance for normal, even Sakura wondered after when he would take that final step toward a life not wholly consumed by duty. He'd looked at her like she'd grown a second head and not three days later, broken the news that he was enlisting once again.

She remembers how her gut dropped at the admission, and more, the conviction in her voice when she'd told him that wherever he goes, she'll follow. It's always been this way--even before she understood what it was to love someone like she loves Kakashi, she told herself that she'd do her best to keep him safe and happy.

No small part of her wonders if she's failing in that goal.

The sun dips below the horizon when he finally asks her if she'd like to stop, or if she wants to keep running in the hopes they can make it home. She could, but Konoha is still a long night's journey away and Kakashi’s face is lined with exhaustion.

"We should stop," she says, voice muffled by her ANBU mask. "Both of us are tired."

"You’re going into heat," he says. “Should you be out where anyone could compromise you?”

Sakura clicks her tongue and wanders over to sit down on a fallen tree, removing the mask and wiping the sweat from her brow. "I've got a few days before it gets real bad," she says. "And feel--” She allows her chakra to bloom outward, sensing for anyone in the nearby woods until she feels him doing the same. “No one’s around. Unless it’s you who’s going to be uncomfortable."

"It's a heat," he mutters. "Have some trust in my self control, Sakura."

"Settled, then." Sakura hefts her feet up and lays down, stretching against the length of the log as the day's work begins to sink into her muscles. Kakashi stands at an awkward distance until she asks him what's wrong.

"I'm dying for a cigarette," he sighs. "I should've picked some up in the last village."

"Those'll kill you quicker than ANBU, you know."

"Please, I've already died once," he snorts. "It's about time, anyway. Let an old man have his vice."

"You're not old." She tosses a small stick at him, and he gives her a look when it bounces off his back.

"Old enough to remember a time when you wouldn't have thought about doing that to me."

"You're no fun." Sakura shuts her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest, allowing the sounds of the forest and Kakashi's fire-building to wash over her. A minute later, she cracks an eye to watch as the flames grow to cast shadows on his face. They flicker, illuminating the furrow between his brow and the set of his jaw as he leans back on his heels.

"I'm kidding, you know," she says. "I still think you're fun."

"We're not here for fun, Sakura."

She scoffs and lets an arm down to drift her fingers across the forest floor. "You could at least let me give  _ some _ levity to the situation," she says. "Having Genma and Ino along will be a hell of a lot worse if you can't handle me."

"I can handle you," he says. Sakura raises an eyebrow, and he snaps his gaze back to the flames. “You all are my team, and I picked you for a reason. It’s just been a while since I’ve…” He trails off, chewing his lip as he looks away.

“Since you’ve…”

“Heats make me uncomfortable,” he grumbles. “They’re messy, physically and emotionally.”

Sakura chuckles to herself, because  _ Kakashi _ making a fuss about heats is hilarious. King of complicated, the man is, and as she looks over at him again, she takes a deep breath in an attempt to catch hold of his scent. It’s a bit soured, off, and she makes a note to get him in for an appointment to discuss what could be wrong.

Perhaps he's just nervous.

“You should sleep," he says eventually. "I'll keep watch."

"Are you sure?" Sakura fishes in her pack for the ration bar that’s doing a very good job hiding itself and when she finds it, she stares him down as she takes a bite. "I can stay up for a while."

His eyes flick over her face, and he blinks hard when the wind shifts toward him. "I'm sure."

"Fine, fine," she says. "But if you get tired tomorrow, don't say I didn't offer." She finishes off the bar in a few bites before taking her hair out of her ponytail and pacing around the makeshift campsite, searching for someplace that's not too dirty to rest her head. When she finds one, it's only a matter of minutes before she's laid flat and beginning to drift.

Sleep never comes easy on missions, but it’s easier when Kakashi’s near. Sakura doesn’t know if it’s their level of trust in each other, his vigilance, or her willingness to do as he asks, but she soon finds herself floating among the stars.

She dreams, and she doesn't know how long she's been out when she's roused by the sound of his voice. It’s near impossible to make out his words, but he's got his head folded down to rest on his bent knees, and he's tense. He stiffens when she shifts closer and clears her throat. She has no doubt he can feel her eyes on him--he's always been perceptive that way, even though he's unwilling to even acknowledge it. When his head swings back to look at her, he looks almost...angry.

Sakura doesn't look away, instead choosing to read the upset spelled so plainly on his face. He curls his lip before bringing his water bottle to his lips.

"Everything okay?" she breathes after a long few seconds. Sometimes he gets like this, mood souring as he's brought low by memory and regret, but she does her best to be there regardless.

He nods and tugs his mask back up, hiding behind the darkness that's become part of him. "Go back to sleep."

"Can't." She props herself up on an elbow before deciding it's time to sit up completely, moving to his side and tipping her head back to look at the stars. "Not now. You know the rules, Kakashi."

_ I don’t rest until you’re out of danger. _

"Mn."

Sighing, she slumps to rest her chin on her knees. He settles along with her, the sourness in his scent underscoring the blockers more and more with every minute she allows him to stew in silence. She can't pretend to know what exactly haunts him in these times he can't manage words, but gives him a half-hearted smile as he wrestles his demons.

"You could rest," she says eventually.

"Can't sleep."

As much as she longs to slump against him, to comfort him in some tangible way, she's unwilling to upset the fragile peace he seems to have talked himself into. "I have something for that in my pack.”

"I've gone on for longer without sleep," he says. "I'll be all right."

"I worry about you, you know."

He shakes his head and lets out a slow, uneven breath. "You always have, haven't you?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

His voice is so soft, hesitant, that she nearly misses it. "Because I do," she says when it registers. "There doesn't need to be a reason."

Kakashi rolls his eyes and looks back to the sky, tapping his fingers on his knees in irritation as the bitterness begins to creep back. "You shouldn't waste the effort," he says. "Put it toward someone who actually needs it."

"Excuse me?"

"Put it toward someone who actually matters," he says, voice low.

"Oh, bullshit," she says. "Are you going to pull this now?"

"I'm not pulling anything."

"You're being terrible to yourself," she says, laying down and rolling so her back is to him. "I'm not going to listen, and you know it." 

"Fine."

Sakura's breath puffs out over the leaves in an irritated huff as he turns to face the other way, again whispering unintelligible things into the night. It frustrates her, the way he closes himself off just as she thinks she could be making headway with him. 

His feelings, at least.

Perhaps this is why he's so dead set against any of her advances--she can't imagine another person would be willing to put themselves through this back and forth, and she wonders if others have told him the same.

At any rate, he's always done his best to try and convince her that he is not and will never be worth her time.

She spends the rest of the night drifting in and out of sleep, and the journey back to Konoha in the morning goes slower than she would have liked. Kakashi distances himself, unwilling to speak, and she turns his behavior over and over in her head until their reports are finished and they're asked to report to Naruto's office for a briefing.

The team's standing around the desk when they walk in, Genma with his arm wrapped around Ino's shoulders and Shikamaru leaning on Naruto's desk with his arms folded. "Evening," he says. "Glad to see you're both back in one piece."

"Easy mission," Kakashi says curtly. "Is something wrong?"

"There's been an incident," Naruto says, and swings his gaze to Sakura. "There's a body waiting for you in the morgue--missing-nin. Izumo and Kotetsu stopped her at the gate before she could get into the village and cause trouble."

"Why for me?" Sakura asks, then realizes. “Oh. Feral?”

Shikamaru nods. "Suspected to be under the influence of your friend's little project."

"Oh, please," Sakura tuts. "Just because I know the most about him--"

"Easier to pretend we're being given to a friend than someone dead-set on destroying society as we know it," Genma says, pointing his senbon at her. "Don't you think?"

Kakashi growls, stepping closer to Sakura, and she looks over to see him with his shoulders bunched near his ears. "Nothing is easy about this," he says, frustration simmering in his scent. "Don't be so blase about what you both have to do."

"How do you think I cope?" Genma's eyes narrow as he straightens up, meeting Kakashi's gaze fearlessly. "It's not my first mission."

"We've had a long day," Sakura says before Kakashi can protest. "You'll have to excuse us."

"Excused." Ino puts a hand on Genma's chest and holds him back, and Shikamaru looks between the two men before sticking his hand out to recenter the conversation.

"So anyway," he says, "we're worried there may be more cases coming. Sakura, you can take the night, but we'd like the autopsy done right away in the morning. We're reasonably sure she was drugged, but we'd like to make certain."

"Can do."

"Kakashi, we're sending you out on a search around the area with Genma and Ino," Naruto says. "Though in the morning, when you're better rested."

Sakura does have to give him props for his tact. 

"Apologies," Kakashi says.

"Accepted." Naruto folds his hands in front of his face and sighs, pursing his lips. "I don't like this," he says. "No matter how well I attempt to keep the village safe, there's always something."

"Welcome to the role of a leader," Kakashi says, though the words aren’t unkind. "Is that all?"

"Yeah, go home," Naruto says. "Meet me here at seven tomorrow morning and I'll give you your full instructions, all right? You're all dismissed."

Kakashi disappears almost immediately, Genma and Ino following close behind, and Sakura steps toward Naruto and Shikamaru at the desk. "Are Izumo and Kotetsu okay?" she asks.

"She managed to break Kotetsu's arm when she went after him but other than that, only minor injuries," Shikamaru says. "We're working to find out where and when she was exposed, but..."

"It's hard when all you have is a body, right," Sakura finishes for him, chewing over the information. "Not exactly easy when it's so hard to detect, either.”

"See? You’re so smart. You should be in charge," Naruto says, leaning back in his chair and talking around a yawn. "I promise it's easy, Sakura, just take the job."

"Oh, no, I'd be much too busy taking care of the hospital, my ANBU career,  _ and _ the village," she chuckles. "That's your burden now."

Naruto grumbles something she doesn’t quite catch before making a shooing motion toward the door. "Go home, then, leave me to my suffering."

"You've got it." Sakura laughs again at the pained look on his face before bidding goodbye, walking out down into the street and basking in the cool night air for a few blissful seconds. Truth be told, she  _ could _ go to the hospital now, but she won't complain about a night off.

She starts toward her apartment but is interrupted by Kakashi's voice on the breeze, and his footsteps coming toward her.

"Hey," he calls. "Can we talk?"

"Oh, now you want to?" she asks, then deflates upon seeing the earnestness in his eyes. "What?"

"You should be careful, walking alone at night," Kakashi says. "No telling who's out there now."

"I'm well equipped to handle myself," Sakura snorts. "What's gotten into you? I'm going into heat--it's not like I forgot all my training in favor of searching for some alpha to knot me."

"You shouldn't have just some alpha anyway," he mutters, and she smacks his arm.

"Unless you're volunteering, you don't get a say."

Kakashi stiffens, then pulls away. "I don't need an omega."

Sakura pauses, and he turns around. She takes in the sturdy set of his jaw, sunken eyes shadowed by the flame of his lighter as he pulls out a cigarette. "Yeah, you don't," she says softly, watching each word hit as though they're physical blows. "But if you want one, you should hurry up and decide. I hear they don’t wait around forever.”

His face says it clearer than any words ever could--he understands what’s left unsaid all too well.

"Care to walk me home now, or can I go and take care of myself like I always do?" 

She'd be lying if she said a part of her didn't wish he would come back to her apartment. There's some base part of her that wants nothing more than to let him press her up against the wall, hands rough as he marks her up, but unless he makes that move soon, he's going to lose his chance. It has been nearly nineteen years since she presented, after all--she can’t wait forever, even for Hatake Kakashi.

"Well?" she asks, and he takes a step back, shaking his head and bowing his shoulders.

"Go," he says. "Have fun  _ taking care." _

"I will, then." She brushes past him, head held high and taking no steps to hide the arousal building in her. He whips around to sniff after her, but doesn't move before she rounds the corner, slumping against the brick with a hand over her face. "Dammit, Kakashi. Stop being so obtuse." She smacks a hand against the wall before continuing on, shedding her clothes the second she locks the door behind her.

She likes to think she's gotten to know him pretty well over the years they've spent enmeshed in each others' company, but she doesn't know how much longer she’s willing to be strung along by roguish charm and darkness in equal measure.

Her blankets tangle around her legs as she lays down and clenches them together, squirming as she wonders if it's worth getting her heat aids out this early. It's early enough she could probably go pick someone up at a bar--flesh and blood feels better than silicone, after all--but…

She groans.

She'd feel guilty, and it's not worth the effort for a knot and someone who will come sniffing around later.

Seconds tick away into minutes, each one filled with restless tossing and turning until she gives up fighting with herself. Her fingers whisper across her clavicle, dip between her breasts before she trails them down to tease between her legs. A shock of pleasure zips through her when she rubs over her clit, and she shoves her cheek into the pillow with a low whine as her stomach flips with want.

Her fingers aren't ever satisfying enough during heat, or the days preceding. They burn where they rest heavy on her slick folds as she rummages through the box on her nightstand for something to ease the need, and settles when her hand wraps around an average sized knotted dildo. There's no preamble as she sets it on the bed and sinks down, clenching around the length like somehow that'll make everything better. Like somehow he’ll see, and it’ll make him want her. Her chest heaves, a bead of sweat tracing from her hairline down the curve of her spine.

She's lost count of the times she's imagined it's him laid out under her. It didn't take long after losing her virginity to realize it's what she prefers--being in charge, taking what she needs from a partner and having them thank her when she leaves. Tonight, she tries her hardest not to think of Kakashi, but any faceless body she conjures doesn't measure up to what she knows he'd be like for her.

"Shit," she whispers to the empty room. The bed creaks when she sinks down again, rocking her hips back and forth as she teases herself with the knot. It's not enough, likely never will be until she's satisfied her curiosity.

She moans his name, breathless as she moves again. Even the three simple syllables unspool some of the tension in her core--she can almost feel him running his hands up and down her legs, can feel the warmth of his breath on her neck as he whispers that she's his and no one else's. It's not her fingers that cup her breasts, nor her fingers that bring her to orgasm as she effortlessly takes the knot.

Her body sings with the force of it, shaking in the silence of her room while she tries futilely to catch her breath. There's not enough oxygen in the air, not enough girth inside of her, not enough--

There's not enough  _ anything, _ and the pleasure wears away all too quickly as she flips onto her back and spreads her legs. The dildo slips out along with the slick that's built up in her and she winces as it runs down her cheeks, but then lowers her fingers to replace the knot.

Hers aren't as calloused as Kakashi's, not as long, but she imagines it's his that stroke her inside and out until she's begging him to knot her once more. He has no qualms about doing so, and she pleads with the empty air for it as she turns back onto her knees and fills herself in one smooth motion.

It's so easy to be with this imaginary Kakashi, to love him. He doesn't hold back from the way he wants her, setting her heart to racing as he fucks her hard. She doesn't mind that his teeth--her nails--dig into the skin around her bonding gland to seal what she  _ knows _ is there, and she doesn't mind how desperate she sounds as she cries for him.

When she knots herself again, she bites the pillow as she imagines him fucking her through it and straight into overstimulation. Perhaps if she's able to exhaust herself today, she won't care about him tomorrow as she works.

Her fingers are soaked with slick when she brings them once more to her breast, but the cool sensation they leave behind doesn't bother her. The dildo falls again to the bed behind her and she keeps her hips high in the air, presenting as though he's actually there with her. Any other night, she'd be ashamed of the way she wants him so badly.

Tonight, she only thinks of how good it feels to be under his gaze, even if it's only imaginary.

"Why are you so  _ much?" _ she groans when she finally lays on her side. The aching pit in her stomach is no longer as frustrating, but the neediness still flows through her veins. The dildo stares up at her from between her thighs, and in a moment of petulance, she picks it up and throws it against the wall.

It hits the floor with a thud, and she sighs.

"Why can't he be  _ normal, _ more like," she mutters. The bed creaks again as she gets up and pads to the bathroom, pulling a face at the way her thighs stick together. It never seems too bad in the moment, but when she's finished, slick creeps over her skin as guilt creeps over her heart.

Warm water beats down on her as she washes herself and does her best not to dwell on the residual feelings of what a heat with Kakashi could be like. Though she doubts it'll happen at this point, she still aches to experience it, even once.

"Asshole," she mutters into her pillow when she's finished, hair brushed and fresh sheets on the mattress. "Come on, Kakashi, think about it--would I really be so terrible?"

**

Kakashi gets up, does his best to drown his demons with a burning cup of coffee and a smoke, and walks into Naruto’s office at exactly 7:07 AM.

"You're late," Ino says.

"Blame exhaustion."

"Or something else?" Genma says with a knowing look, and Kakashi glares. He spent half the night rubbing against his blankets until he decided it was too late to take back his words and seek Sakura out, but Genma doesn’t know. 

_ No one _ needs to know--he can keep that a secret, hold it close to his heart like he’s reigned in his quickly dwindling sense of control.

"Okay, okay, gods. I won't joke again,” Genma says. “Sorry.”

Naruto clears his throat, and all three look to where he's pointing at a map of Fire Country. "She was based northwest of the village," he says, no lead-up. "Largely petty crimes--thievery and assault, but never anything drastic. No indication of plans that we could find. No bonding bite on her, but there was blood in her mouth and evidence of a struggle. We suspect she was protecting her territory, but we don’t know what from.” He points to a place just outside village limits. "Falcon spotted her here two days ago, but she managed to lose them. It's possible she was already drugged."

"So exposure could've come from almost anywhere," Genma muses.

"And it's your job to narrow down where that could’ve been," Naruto says, shooting them an apologetic smile. "You three and Sakura know the most, and she’s at the autopsy, so I'm handing this off to you. If you find anyone else out there, that’d be even better. Just try not to bring back more bodies, okay?”

"Yes, sir," they say in unison. They walk out together, nodding to Izumo at the gate before mapping out how they'd like to split up the territory.

"I'll take this area," Ino says, pointing in a wide, northward arc. "Kakashi?"

"I'll take west to southwest," he says.

"And I guess I'm sandwiched between you both," Genma says. "Meet back here at sundown?"

"If none of us run into each other before then," Ino says. "Be as thorough as you can, but don't go too far. Naruto said her hideout wasn't more than fifteen miles or so from here."

"Only fifteen miles," Genma whines. "That's a thirty mile round trip. I'm getting too old for this."

"There's always retirement," Kakashi says.

Genma snorts before leaping into a tree, hanging from the branch by his feet. "I'd rather die," he says. "See you both soon."

Ino watches him dart away before turning to Kakashi, suddenly serious. "So, what was yesterday about?" she asks. "Is that going to be a frequent thing, you coming at my husband?"

"It was a hard trek back. Give me a break."

"Wouldn't have anything to do with the fact you were around Sakura for a week, now, would it?" Ino asks, peeking up at him out of the corner of her eye. "Or that she's coming into heat?"

"No,” he says too quickly, waving over his shoulder as he walks away. “See you at sundown, Ino.”

Of  _ course _ it was being around Sakura in heat--how could he not be affected by that? She's always so careful to seclude herself when she goes through a cycle and though he misses her dearly during those times, it's easier to keep himself sane when she's not there to tantalize him. It’s easier to pretend he doesn’t want to be the one loving her,  _ fucking _ her.

Bonding with her.

His skin pricks in the warm air and he growls as he begins to run, searching for any sign that Nakamura Kosuke's distributors have been anywhere near the area. He half-doubts they could find evidence even if they had been, because the bastard's a tough rat to trap.

Warmongers often are.

His influence first reared its head in Water Country, where an alpha took out half of his small fishing village in a rage because he saw his omega look at another alpha the wrong way. Kiri ANBU had found him wandering, incoherent, and put him down when they stumbled across the carnage.

It's only spread since then.

Reports began pouring in from the surrounding countries as more and more people died, torn down by alphas gone mad. It was Sakura who'd first discovered that it wasn't some physical abnormality--not quite. She'd requested the bodies to examine and the autopsies had led her down a research hole that culminated in the discovery of a new, lethal drug that works to dysregulate an alpha’s hormonal network, leading to erratic, deadly behavior. 

An alpha protecting what is theirs is only natural. An alpha wholly consumed by the urge to maintain everything they've even considered to be their territory...that is something the world cannot handle, civilian and shinobi alike.

The day wears on, and he finds nothing but deer trails in the forest and merchants on the road. None are too pleased to have their wares examined, but a long stare silences any protest until Kakashi declares them good to go.

He’s halfway to giving up when he picks up the scent of old blood on the leaves, and anger in the air. Stilling high up on a branch, he lurks as he waits for whoever it is to show themselves. Wind rustles through the foliage, bringing with it the quickly approaching scent of rage and mourning, hopelessness and depression.

Heat, too.

A low growl reverberates through the trees as a woman stumbles into view, clutching her neck. The fabric of her collar is the color of old rust, her fingers coated in the same flaky blood, and when she pulls her hand away, Kakashi winces at the vicious bite mark just above her shoulder.

“Suki,” she moans. “Come back…”

Kakashi clears his throat from above, then hops down to land in front of her with arms extended. “You’re hurt,” he says, “and you need medical attention.”

She shakes her head, mumbling, “Need Suki. Alpha...where is she? Where’s my alpha?”

“What’s your name?” Kakashi asks. He takes one cautious step forward, then another, and then catches her arm when she moves to swipe at him. “Hey,” he says sharply. “I’m here to help you.”

“You’re not her,” the omega snarls, twisting in his hold. “You’re not--she--we bonded--”

“What is your name?” Kakashi asks again, drawing out each syllable as he wrangles her into submission. The wound on her neck has split again, and he can almost  _ taste _ the copper. “Who are you, and who is Suki?”

“Bonded…”

Kakashi takes a deep breath, wrinkling his nose at the way her scent pervades the air around them. He doesn’t have time to play this game--not today, not when Sakura’s waiting at the hospital with more information. “Tell me,” he says, dark and dangerous.

The woman goes limp in his arms at the command, and he maneuvers them back against a tree so he can sit her down and take a proper look at the wound. Her eyes are glassy, blinking fast as she attempts to work away the fog likely caused by his tone. He doesn’t prefer to use it, but sometimes, an alpha's influence can be advantageous. 

The wound itself is very obviously infected, red and swollen and painful to the touch, judging by her moan when he prods near it. 

“Did Suki do this?” he asks. She nods, and he sets his jaw. 

_ Pathetic,  _ that’s what an alpha who bonds with someone and leaves is.  _ Worse than dirt. _

“She’s so good,” the woman slurs. “So kind, and then..then…” She sniffs, yelping when Kakashi examines further. “I don’t know what happened to her.”

“She’s not too good if she left you like this,” Kakashi mutters. “We need to get you to a hospital. Can you stand and come with me?”

“Akane,” she says.

“What?”

“My--you asked my name.” She lurches to the side, sweat beading on her brow as she struggles to stand. “‘M sorry, I--” 

Kakashi catches her as she slumps against him, consciousness fading quickly. “Okay, Akane, we’re going to get you help.” He grunts as he hefts her in his arms, careful not to rub over her neck. “I’m taking you to the hospital. That bite’s going to do you more harm than good if Suki’s not around to take care of it.”

Akane only groans, and then Kakashi begins to run. Trees flash by as he struggles to keep her in his arms, doing his best to be swift but careful. The fever is partially because of the wound, he’s sure, but a bond bite… He doubts it was reciprocated, because she wouldn’t be so gone if the bonding had gone properly. 

It's always disturbed him how quickly an omega slips into delirium if their alpha doesn't take care of their bite properly. Worse yet are those alphas who simply bite and leave, because those omegas never truly recover. If they make it past the initial, desperate weeks of abandonment, those scars linger on both skin and soul, constant reminders that no one else will ever be able to form the same bond with them.

Genma and Ino are on their way to the main gate already when he reaches the road, breezing past them with the order to report directly to Naruto with the news they’ve found a sick omega. Ino catches him quicker than Genma, stops him in his tracks and demands to see her.

“I can heal her,” she says. “Stabilize her, at least, here, put her down.” She kneels, and Kakashi comes with, shifting Akane’s head to his shoulder to bare her neck. Ino winces when she sees the mark, chakra already gathering in her hands as she lays them against the reddened skin. “It’s okay,” she soothes when the omega stirs. “We’ll get you healed--”

“Akane,” Kakashi supplies.

“Akane.” Ino’s voice drips with sincerity and kindness, compassion more than Kakashi thinks he can muster. She moves her hand to cradle the woman’s cheek and looks up at Kakashi. “Do you think she’s that missing-nin’s?”

“Well, I didn’t find evidence of anyone else besides travelers out there,” Kakashi says. “I’d say it’s a definite possibility.”

“I’ll take her from here. You get back to Naruto and let him know,” she says, taking Akane into her arms. Kakashi worries at the way her body is so limp, nearly lifeless, but Ino assures him she’ll take care of her. “Tell him I’ll be late, but I’ll get there as soon as I get her to the hospital,” she says. “Go.”

Kakashi and Genma all but fly back to the village, only to find Sakura waiting in Naruto's office with another doctor, a young alpha that immediately sets Kakashi's teeth on edge. There's nothing  _ specifically _ out of place about him, but he's too close to her, and Kakashi slinks in to stand between them.

"You're affectionate today," Sakura murmurs out of the corner of her mouth.

"I'm not even touching you."

“You smell different,” Naruto says. “Like someone else.”

Kakashi nods. “We found an omega wandering, delirious. She could be the alpha’s, but we’ll need to get her sedated and healed before we can get anything out of her. She’s not doing well--looks like it’s been a few days since that bite, at least, and you know how quickly they go bad.”

“Well, if they were together, she might have tried,” Sakura says. “There was a bite on the alpha’s arm. Not a big one, but she may have not had the time or energy to…” She gestures to her neck, and Kakashi’s mouth goes dry with the desire to be the alpha to mark her there. “We do tend to go a little loopy post-bite, and uh...worse if we don't reciprocate.”

“Mn.” Kakashi worries his lip between his teeth, stomach turning at the mere thought of anyone else even  _ trying _ to bond with her. “You think the alpha could've just run off like that?”

“It’s probably best not to speculate,” the other doctor says, waving to Ino as she strolls through the door. “Besides, we’ll get the story from her eventually.”

Ino presses against Genma’s side with a low sigh. “I hope you’re not planning on interrogating her already,” she says. “Poor woman.”

Naruto leans back in his chair and puts his hands behind his head, exhaling slowly before asking if they found anything else worth reporting. “Something to go on until we can get her upright and talking, you know?” he says. “Sitting here isn’t going to do us any favors.”

"Nothing from Genma or I. Nakamura's not going to be someone we beat by attacking from the edges in," Ino says. "Going for the heart is a must."

"I agree," Genma says.

When Naruto looks to Kakashi for confirmation, he lowers his head before nodding. "Unfortunately. I’m wondering if there isn’t a better way to find out where this is being produced and distributed from, because this much uncertainty isn’t exactly making me confident.”

“Sakura and I can handle getting the information for you,” Genma says, nudging Sakura’s back. “Right?”

Sakura turns to Kakashi. “I’m not a genin anymore, Kakashi, I can handle myself. Even if it means having to use my...well.”

“Your powers of seduction and intrigue,” Genma says, waggling his fingers at her.

Kakashi glares at him. He hates the thought of Sakura using her body to draw out information, but an alpha's much likelier to spill secrets when they're sated, and who better to draw them out than one of Konoha's top intelligence operatives and the mastermind behind the whole operation?

Still, no one's truly safe in Nakamura's River Country hideout, not even an elite team as they are.

"Well, the good and bad news is that you were right about the alpha being drugged," the other doctor says after an awkward silence, placing a file on Naruto's desk. "Her testosterone levels were just--whoo." He makes a gesture above his head and whistles. "So we went ahead for more testing, and...Sakura?"

"It was everywhere," Sakura says. "Unfortunately, no injection sites or anything she'd eaten recently, so we're out of luck there." She opens the file and flips through the pages until she lands on a small photo. "Nothing else too out of the ordinary. Twenty-seven, smoker, doesn’t seem to have been on rut suppressants recently. She's from River Country, though--look at that tattoo on her ankle. It's possible she wasn't just some random alpha."

"She might have been one of his," Naruto says, understanding dawning on his face.

"Exactly," the other doctor says, and Kakashi bristles when he's brushed out of the way so he can crowd into Sakura's space and point at the report. "Now the only question is why would she put herself through that?"

"Accident?" Genma suggests.

"Stupidity," Ino says.

"We shouldn't guess," Kakashi says, moving to Sakura's other side to read what he can. "But it looks like we'll have one hell of a job when we set out."

"Well, we expected that," Sakura says. "Right?"

"Mn."

"Well, you'll be leaving the hospital in good hands, at least," the other doctor says. "One less thing to worry about."

"Yes, thank you, Daisuke," Sakura says. "Just remember not to let Tsunade boss you too much."

He elbows her side, and Kakashi shakes with the urge to rip his arm away when Sakura laughs. "I've worked under you for too long to let her be a problem," he says. "I learned from the best."

"She is the best, isn't she?" Kakashi says, voice dropping low as he looks over Sakura's head.

"Yeah, she--"

"Daisuke," Ino warns. Her eyes flash as she locks her gaze with Kakashi's, a silent what are you doing evident in her frown. "That's enough, thanks. I'm sure you have better things to do."

"Actually, I was goi--"

"She's right," Naruto says. He nods to Daisuke. "Thank you for your help, Doctor."

“Oh! Yes, please, carry on." Daisuke nods to everyone before tapping Sakura's elbow. "Think about tonight?"

"I'll be sure to let you know," she says.

Kakashi glances between her and the other alpha as he heads out, her eyes tracking him the entire way with a stupid smile on her face. He doesn't get the chance to mention it before they're back to business again, though, going over mission parameters and listening to Sakura share what else she found during the autopsy.

"Careful," she says, nudging him, "we found your preferred pack on her." She winks. "Told you they're no good for you."

He rolls his eyes before turning back to the report, poring over the medical jargon as the rest discuss the results.

When all is said and done, he grabs her arm on the way out. "What's tonight? With your doctor friend?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" she replies, sugar sweet and deadly.

"I would, actually, because we were planning on going out tonight. Right, Genma?" Kakashi calls down the hallway.

"Right what?" Genma asks.

"The four of us were going out for drinks tonight."

"Hell yeah," Genma says, not missing a beat as he sees the plea in Kakashi's eyes. He walks back toward them, Ino close behind, and grins. "Stone Sparrow, ten, right?"

"Oh. Where’s that again?" Sakura asks.

“It’s the new bar over near Ichiraku,” Genma says. “Opened last week?”

Sakura blinks, then nods, smiling. "I guess, sure. Gives me enough time for a little rest beforehand. I'll go let him know." She jerks her thumb down the hallway. "Stone Sparrow, ten PM. By Ichiraku."

"Just the four of us," Kakashi says.

"Team bonding and all." Ino gives Sakura an easy smile before waving as she walks away, then turns to Kakashi and pushes a finger into his chest. "Listen," she hisses. "I don't know what you're up to, but do not--" She pokes him, hard. "Do  _ not _ fuck this up for her. Daisuke really likes her, okay?"

"You owe me a drink," Genma says, winding his arm around Ino to turn her away. He raises a hand as they begin walking, calling his goodbye over his shoulder. "See you at ten!"

"See you at ten," Kakashi mocks, then sighs. Ino's right, really--he has no right to fuck this up for Sakura, but watching someone else touch her, make her laugh…

He should be the one doing that.

He should be the one she shines her brightness on.

The prickling of the day's heat doesn't seem to be fading with the evening chill, and he paces restlessly in his apartment before forcing himself into a cold shower. That helps a bit, numbs him before he pulls on jeans and a sweatshirt over his masked undershirt. He examines himself in the mirror as he does so, satisfied that the slight pudge of Daisuke's body can and never will compare to his own lean grace.

He gets to the bar early, and he tells himself it's not to scout for the alpha threatening to steal Sakura away. When he's satisfied the other alpha is nowhere to be found, he slides into a booth and puts on his best scowl as he slouches in the corner. "Ridiculous," he mutters, because this is stupid.  _ He's _ stupid for allowing her to think of someone else that way, and he's stupid for not recognizing the situation sooner.

The restless energy is back, crawling like ants beneath his skin until it's soothed by the sound of her laughter from the door.

"Stop," she giggles, and as they draw nearer, he hears Genma grunt after a smack.

"Hey, he's mine to be mean to," Ino says, poking Sakura's forehead as they slide into the booth. "Not my fault he's learning to point this shit out."

"Kakashi, they're being terrible," Sakura complains, making a face at the others and wrapping a strand of hair around her finger before turning her eyes on him. "Tell him my forehead isn't all that big. Ino's getting into him."

"More than once," Ino says, elbowing Genma with a smirk.

"You're all terrible," Genma says, "and you're going to drive me to drink."

"You're in the right place then," Kakashi says. He straightens and slides closer to Sakura's side. He tips his head and takes a deep breath, finding it all too easy to ferret out the delicate vanilla and honey in her scent normally obscured by her suppressants.

_ Easy for other alphas, too, _ he thinks, but thankfully there’s no trace of Daisuke on her.

He also finds Genma's scent distracting as it mingles with Sakura's, and he wrinkles his nose at the other omega.

"What?" Genma asks as he signals for a waitress.

"You stink."

"Listen." Genma plants an elbow on the table and holds a finger in Kakashi's face. "It isn't my fault the mission requires me in heat and near you, but you don't hear any complaining from Ino."

Kakashi raises a brow.

"Or Sakura."

"Ino's your wife, you shit," Ino says, tugging fondly on a lock of his hair. "And Sakura wouldn't mind how you smell anyway. Pack instincts and all that."

Genma sinks back into the booth, grumbling as he pulls her hand back to his head.

"You smell fine, anyway," Ino says. "A bit irritated." She sniffs at his neck before attempting to nuzzle against it, and he claps a hand over himself before she can go any further.

"We're in  _ public," _ he says with a look. "No scenting. I'm not desperate yet--wait until we get home."

Sakura crosses her arms and leans back as well, releasing the day's cares with a long, low sigh. "Cool it. Just because you're going into heat doesn't mean you have to be crabby."

"No more than usual," Kakashi says, but the joke falls flat and the tension still lingers.

Ino downs one drink in seconds before setting the glass down with a careful click. She purses her lips and drums her fingers on the table before looking across the crowd. "It's funny," she says. "They have no idea what we do for them."

Genma makes a cutting motion below his chin. "No ninja talk," he says. "Wouldn't want to worry anyone."

"Like they care," Ino says, but her voice softens. She points to where a couple stumbles across the floor, leaning against each other and laughing. "You think he's considering anything except getting in her pants tonight? Or him--" She tips her head back and to the side, and Kakashi peers at another alpha leaning over the table in the booth next to him. "I could say he's the hottest man on the planet and he'd be none the wiser."

"You'd be lying," Genma says.

"He's right, though," Sakura says. "That's not our business tonight."

"And tonight's business is..." Kakashi asks, trailing off as he searches her face.

"Forgetting," Genma says.

"Loosening up so you can work the sticks from your asses," Ino says at the same time, and Genma doesn't even look before holding his hand up for a high five. "What?" she asks at Sakura's groan. "You can't get him to convince Nakamura you're a precious thing he's giving up in exchange for power if he can barely look at you. And where's the makeup I told you to wear tonight? Weren't you supposed to practice?"

Kakashi's hackles raise at the casual insinuation he can't appreciate the woman who he knows should be his. What does Ino know about it? What could she  _ possibly _ think his adoration looks like, how exactly his passion burns? He struggles to maintain composure, lets his irritation bleed out into the air around him as the table quiets.

"Sor--" Ino starts, but Kakashi interrupts her.

"It's fine," he says, and turns to Sakura to bat his eyelids. "Oh,  _ baby, _ won't you show this poor, sorry alpha how to love again?"

"Fuck off," Sakura snorts, laughing as she pushes him back into his own space. Her hands, though, linger, and he tries not to be too obvious about the way he leans into their warmth, wishing he didn't have to hide the very real feeling behind the words.

"What, do you think you have to get me drunk to ask?" she continues, teasing. "Who wouldn't want to go home with you?"

Genma laughs. "I'd offer, b--"

"You've got me to come home to," Ino says, effectively silencing Genma with a kiss. "Who's your alpha?"

"You are," he mumbles against her lips.

"I wouldn't want you anyway. You snore," Kakashi says, attempting to mitigate any disappointment in his tone with humor. Sakura raises her hand to hail the waitress again, and Kakashi risks putting his head down on her shoulder.

Fortunately, it pays off and he doesn't find himself being put through the brick behind him. She lays her cheek on his head with a soft hum, apparently too tired to mind the way the sound sends a thrill through his body. The action earns him a look from Ino, one that says she knows exactly what he's doing, but he can't bring himself to care.

He treasures these small moments, packs them away to take down and consider during any one of his dark nights. All too frequently, he has to remind himself that she is nothing more than a friend. She's always been the sort to take care of others, even before presenting, and he's made it a goal not to take advantage of the easy way she gives pieces of herself away.

He tells himself this is why it's dangerous for her to be around other alphas--how can she be sure they aren't there to simply take until she's nothing but a hollow shell of her former self?

By the time they've all had enough and the conversation's petered away to what barely counts as small talk, his veins buzz with warmth and Sakura's presence. It's hard to lift his head and extricate himself from where he's all but fused to her side. The world's a bright haze as they make their way into the street, saying their goodbyes.

Sakura hangs back when Genma and Ino walk away, Ino's arm around Genma's waist and Genma's hand planted in Ino's back pocket. "Are you worried about them?" she asks, turning them both toward Kakashi's apartment.

Kakashi shakes his head and the streetlights swirl. "These missions are Genma's specialty. I've seen him kill a man mid-fuck and go home to a partner the next day, completely fine. It's what he's trained to do, and Ino as well."

"Is he fine, though?" Sakura asks quietly, and when Kakashi glances at her, her hands are stuck in her pockets. "I mean, I know he  _ says _ he is, and you always say you are, and--"

"I am," he says, much sharper than intended, and he hates himself for the way she flinches. He softens. "Are you worried?"

She shrugs.

"Sakura." He wants so badly to step closer, to take her into his arms and promise her everything's going to be all right, because he's here, but he knows he won't recover from the rejection if she pulls away. "Sakura," he says again, softer, and her brow furrows when she looks up at him. "Be strong. You were not chosen for this post because you're some weak omega in need of salvation--Naruto chose you because you're the most qualified, and you're strong enough to handle it. I promise."

"Yeah, yeah." She puts on a small smile, then huffs a soft laugh. "Just think. I'll be taking it in some back room, and all the sudden I'll hear Genma yelling because some alpha looked at him the wrong way."

Kakashi sours at the reminder that she's going to be touching anyone else, and he pulls into himself. "It's shit, you know," he says. "Regardless of whether you're ready. All because you're..."

"An omega, not a prude," she says, the furrow turning to confusion as Kakashi steps away and kicks at the ground.

"Still bullshit," he says.

_ It should be me and me alone touching you, knotting you. _

"I'm sorry," he continues, "for what I have to do. Who I have to be. You deserve so much more than that."

Sakura's face smooths, and it might be the streetlight reflecting off of her eyes, but he swears he sees them shimmer. "Kakashi," she says. "You know better than that. I'm lucky it's you. I trust you. Have you ever hurt me?"

"I--" Kakashi's jaw works as he tries to remember, struggling against the urge to spill his confession into the streetlight between them. "I don't know."

"I would've put you in the hospital if you had," she whispers. She takes a step closer, so they're chest to chest, and it takes him too long to remember how to breathe. He digs his nails into his palms to remind himself that she doesn't want him like that, that she  _ won't. _ Her scent is intoxicating, an ephemeral cloud he wants to wrap himself in, but it fades as she steps back with disappointment written on her face.

"It's your stop," she says.

"Yeah."

"Yeah," she says, trying for another smile. It doesn't quite hit the mark, and her shoulders droop as she turns away, upset spilling into her scent. But then her spine straightens, and she sways her hips as she takes a few steps away. "Guess I'll find someone to ease the nerves, you know?" she shoots back over her shoulder, and Kakashi's blood boils at this insinuation, too. "Daisuke. Shikamaru, maybe."

"Do what you have to," he says, ice cold as he packs up his feelings in the neat little regretful box he knows they should just stay put in. They stare at each other as he takes out a cigarette, tugging down his mask and lighting it before his lip curls in a snarl. "But they’re no good for you."

"Sasuke, then."

"You think he cares?" slips out before he can catch himself, and he turns away from Sakura's angry glare.  _ Fuck, _ it’s so easy to be angry about the way she wants.  _ She’s her own woman, _ he reminds himself, and  _ you’re a coward. _

Lesser.

_ Wrong. _

"Whatever," she mutters. "Go home. I'll see you around."

"Sak--"

"Good night, Kakashi."

He stuffs his hands in his pockets so he doesn't reach for her as she walks away, keeps his face flat despite the rage and shame building deep inside him. Chakra pulses through his locks and he walks into his apartment, slamming the door behind him as he shuts himself in the shoebox-sized space.

_ Sasuke. _

His fingers itch with the want to tear the bastard limb from limb. At first he was a reminder of Kakashi's failures, a monument to all the people he hasn't been able to save. Since he's been back, he's been something far worse--a  _ pity _ project for the remainder of his team. Kakashi resents the thought that at some point they may turn that same energy on him, but he'd rather Sakura try to mend his broken pieces than make herself available for someone incapable of wanting her.

Of everyone she could choose, why  _ him? _

Why Sasuke? 

He's always been her weakness, a chip in the armor she's so masterfully crafted for herself. Kakashi's watched as Sasuke's broken her down to nothing, but he can't  _ say _ anything, because she is her own woman and he can't make those decisions for her.

How different his life would be if he wielded that control.

He tears his mask off and breathes deep. There's no honey here, only ozone and the stale scent of smoke from what he's promised her time and time again he'll quit. The smell fills his lungs, blanketing him in the familiar grey of his everyday existence. When the first cigarette dies he lights another one, shaking with all it takes to hold back his rage as he sinks onto the bed. The weight of what he cannot have forces him down, squeezing out all the soft pink hope that Sakura's presence brings.

She may not deserve the shit Kakashi carries with him, but Sasuke isn't even close to being worthy of what she has to give. He hasn't been there for her, hasn't held her close when the world's falling down around them. He's been the one sending her into Kakashi's arms time and time again and yet…

Kakashi grunts, waving a hand through the cloud as he exhales.

_ She needs her vice, too. _

His lungs ache and nerves sing with a particularly deep inhale, and he holds it until the ceiling begins to swim. It's ridiculous, that he's been so much and has been reduced to so little. Part of him resents Konoha for it--it's not his fault they forced him into this life at such an early age, but he can't be too angry.

He's had plenty of opportunities to change.

_ But she should love you as you are~ _

The shuriken on his blanket blur under the smoke as he tips his head to the side, extending his arms but keeping the cigarette away from the fabric. The more important question is why is he not enough? Hasn’t he proven he'll be there for her, no matter the cost?

He's put himself in harm's way for her, been there for her,  _ loved _ her, but somehow she's blind.

_ Someday. _

Someday he'll make her see, and when he does, it'll be so good she won't even consider mentioning another alpha to him again.


	2. Chapter 2

Sakura wakes to an aching head and the soft, golden light of a new day. Groaning, she drapes her arm over her eyes as she sits up. Last night perhaps wasn't the best idea, but she doesn't know when the team will have  _ normal _ again, and she can never give anything but an enthusiastic yes in answer to Kakashi offering a night out.

Somehow, it still wasn't enough to warm him up to the idea of more.

"Shit," she whispers to no one, laying back down and pulling the blanket over her eyes. Ino's voice plays over and over in her head, the advice of  _ make him jealous _ turning her stomach. She  _ knows _ Kakashi--why did she ever consider that as an option?

There was never truly a plan to go to another alpha's for the night, even if she would've gone out with Daisuke as planned. No matter how he'd left her wanting.

Sasuke, of all people! How could he be so stupid as to not see through that?

Her stomach clenches as she gets up for real, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and stumbling to the bathroom to look in the mirror. The paleness of her face rivals Kakashi's, as do the bags under her eyes, and she groans once more before setting to fixing herself up for the day. Tsunade's given her the two remaining days before the mission off, but she finds herself at a loss about where to go and what to do.

She's certainly not going to talk to Kakashi about last night's performance, not until he's had the chance to wake up properly.

Training sounds like it might kill her, but it's better than laying on the sofa bemoaning her relationship status.

Or, lack thereof.

It's no surprise that when she arrives at the field, Lee is already there and working hard. He walks over to her on his hands before executing a perfect flip, landing right side up with a hand waving in her face. "It's good to see you, Sakura! How are you feeling? You are--you look--" He sniffs, and she keeps her face carefully neutral as he lights up and leans closer. "You're off suppressants? Does this mean there will be a little one on the way soon?"

"Absolutely not," she says, fondly pushing him away. "Not with how busy I am. And I didn't come for questions, I came to train." She holds an arm out in front of her and he takes it, a grin splitting his face when she flexes. "Care to help me?"

"Anything for you, my friend," he says, and before she can thank him, he's coming at her. She darts out of the way, avoiding the strategic attacks until there's an opening and she's able to lay him flat on the ground.

"Again," she pants.

"I will redeem myself," he mumbles to the grass, and he does his best. The sun travels across the sky as they spar, beating down and baking them until they decide enough is enough and the training field is well and properly destroyed.

Lee tosses his arm around her shoulders as they walk off, laughing at the way she mimes his mid-fight faces. He only laughs harder when she doubles down on the seriousness, and she finds what little worry remains slipping away to the joy of being able to just  _ laugh. _

It snaps back like a band around her chest when Lee tucks her closer to his side, the sharp scent of anger mingling with smoke on the breeze.

_ Kakashi. _

He's slouching as he walks forward, all slumped shoulders and wary eyes as he stops at a distance. "What are you doing here?" he asks, a low growl.

"Trai--"

"I was asking Lee," Kakashi clips.

"S--sparring?" Lee says.

Kakashi looks them up and down, concentrating too hard on where Lee's hand clutches Sakura's upper arm. He takes a long drag. "Did she ask for your protection?"

"Well, no, but--"

"It's fine, Kakashi, we were leaving anyway," Sakura says, standing tall even under the weight of his aggression. "You have the field to yourself. Go."

He stays put. "How was Sasuke's?"

Lee looks down at her, questions in his eyes that take no time at all to travel to his tongue. "Is that why you are off your suppressants? Oh! Is there really something on the way?"

"Stop," she says softly, eyeing the way Kakashi's tension nearly snaps at the inquiries. Sighing, she steps out from Lee's arm with her hands extended. "What's the problem, Kakashi?" she asks, still quiet as Kakashi sways unsteadily when the wind blows her scent toward him. "Forgot I have other friends? Forgot some are alphas?"

"I--no," Kakashi says, a shudder rippling through him as she draws nearer. He looks every bit like one of his ninken as he sheds whatever's bothering him, shaking it off from shoulders to legs. When he looks up again, the malice in his eyes has fallen prey to a mounting horror, and he stumbles backwards. "No," he says adamantly, and then he flickers away, leaving Lee and Sakura confused as they look toward one another.

"He may be going through some trouble," Lee says in an exaggerated whisper.

"You think?" Sakura says. She chews her lip as she makes her way back to his side. He doesn't touch her this time, and she's torn between gratitude and the want for comfort as they make their way back into town. They don't speak further of it--Lee seems content to let the conversation drift to easier things, and Sakura doesn't care to speculate about what's wrong with Kakashi this time.

She doesn't have to make him her problem, but she  _ does _ need to make sure he stops in and sees someone, and soon.

Ino's ponytail disappearing into the flower shop is a welcome opening for her to let Lee go, turning him loose to find someone else to spend his still unlimited energy on. "Hey, wait," she calls, and barely catches the door as it shuts behind the other woman.

"Busy," Ino says.

"Just a quick question, I promise."

Ino turns around, several bunches of plants in her arms. "What?"

"I have an alpha question." Sakura lowers her voice and steps closer, looking around to make doubly sure they're alone. "Before you and Genma got together, did you ever get real possessive? Or now, even, especially uh...when he's in heat?" She gestures futilely with her hands, and Ino's eyes narrow when they search her face. "You know, like, mean? You hate seeing him with anyone else. Is that weird?"

"Oh, please, we passed the point of weird long ago," Ino says. She tips her head toward the back room and Sakura pads after her, leaning against the door as she watches Ino rearrange the flowers. "Sometimes," she answers. "But you're the doctor--should I be getting jealous?"

Sakura tucks her lip between her teeth, then lets it flip back into place as she looks to the floor. "I'm worried about Kakashi."

Ino scoffs and clicks her tongue as she picks at the arrangement. "He's been acting odd ever since he joined back up, but more so the last few weeks. I don't know why you're still so hung up on him, honestly."

"Not the point," Sakura sighs. "I just...I don't know. I was walking back from sparring with Lee today, and he was pissed when he saw Lee's arm around my shoulder. You know, Lee--king of physical affection. And last night, with Daisuke..." Ino asks for one of the flowers to her left, and Sakura passes it over without a thought. "I walked him home last night. Kakashi. I thought maybe since he invited us out and got so fed up seeing me and Daisuke with the reports, it might be the night, you know?"

"It's Kakashi, babe. If Lee's king of physical affection, Kakashi's king of emotional constipation."

Sakura rolls her eyes as she waves her hand. "It wasn't okay, regardless of whether it's Kakashi. I mentioned going to Sasuke's and I thought he was about to go there himself, just to kill him for the thought."

"Did you go and fuck Sasuke?" Ino asks, blunt as always as she sniffs.

"Not so loud," Sakura hisses. "Jeez, Pig, do you want the whole village to hear?"

Ino takes a deep breath as though to yell, but lets it out as a laugh upon seeing Sakura's dawning panic. "No, I won't air your dirty laundry," she chuckles. "But yeah, I get possessive, but not that way. It's just--everyone loves Gen, you know? And since we can't properly bond, because, well, the job, sometimes he gets unwanted attention. But then I remind myself that I'm the one he comes home to, and that makes it easier." She lowers her voice conspiratorially. "Sometimes he likes it when I get that way in public, give him a talking to when he gets too chummy with someone else."

"I don't need to know," Sakura says.

"Hey, you asked."

Sakura smacks her with the back of a hand. "Not that."

"Kakashi's not taking any ideas about you looking around well, then, is he?"

"No," Sakura says. "He's never truly scared me, but that anger last night...it was chilling, Ino. And then this morning with Lee..."

Ino taps her chin in contemplation, leaning on the counter as she considers. "Is it going to affect his behavior on the mission, do you think?" she asks, all joking gone from her tone. "Now would be the time to say something."

"Well, he's supposed to be a little possessive then, but..." Sakura shrugs. "It's probably my heat. It's Kakashi--he's been in far more compromising situations, and it's not like him to fuck things up just because of instinct."

"If I can control myself around Genma--"

"Point taken!" Sakura interrupts. "I guess, keep an eye out for me. I'm going to try dragging him to the hospital to get a look at him, but if that doesn't happen..."

"I'll keep him in line," Ino promises. "Wouldn't do any good for him to start acting like he's afflicted, would it?"

"Right." Sakura gives her a tight lipped smile before bidding farewell, walking in contemplative silence until she finds herself staring at the hospital doors. She really shouldn't be here, not when Tsunade gave her time off.

_ Ordered _ it, really, but what is she going to do, just order it again?

She knits her hands behind her head and steps in, forcing herself away from the hall down to where they're keeping Akane. No small part of her wants to go in and question her, ferret out all her secrets, but it's too early. Scarring her will do her no good, especially after being just...left.

Sakura sighs.

That  _ has  _ to hurt.

Her stomach clenches when she walks past the cookies someone's left out on the faculty counter, and she's not sure if it's hunger or heat, so she snags one and hopes whoever's the owner doesn't mind. The heat's coming quicker now, infusing her with desire that somehow  _ still  _ doesn't come close to wiping away the stain Kakashi's anger has left on her mind. It's  _ not like him,  _ and though she trusts Ino, she's not sure she trusts Kakashi. Not now.

The thought pains her.

"Ugh," she groans, sinking into her chair and running a hand through her hair. Her autopsy notes are still stacked neatly in the corner, other files spread out from where she's been attempting to work out something like a solution before she has to play the part of whore in exchange for the information she needs. Suki's picture stares up at her, and she swallows hard at the thought she'll need to tell Akane not to wait up for her alpha. Those conversations are always the worst.

If she had room, she'd turn the office into that of a conspiracy theorist, strings connecting potential leads to one another until her wall was a veritable web of possibilities. As it is, she needs to be professional, so she's settled for making multiple copies and scribbling in the margins.

Desperation isn't  _ truly  _ desperation until you involve others in your insanity, is it?

Anxiety spikes in her as she pores over the notes, her nails paying the price as she loses herself in the words and same familiar lines of thought. Idly, she wonders if Shikamaru's got any small part of his day free. He's always busy, but his keenness could pick up something she may not be able to.

Around 5 PM she's disturbed by a knock on the door, and she turns around to see Shizune's head popping in. "I thought you were ordered out until after you got back," she says. "Something wrong?"

"Just going over the autopsies. Yes, again," Sakura mutters at her disapproving look. "I know, I know. I just--there's something, Shizune. Maybe Suki's the key to tie it all together."

"I don't have any appointments for a while," Shizune says. "Can I help?"

"You could try finding Kakashi and dragging him in for an exam," Sakura sighs. "Pretty sure he wants nothing to do with me, but he needs one."

"Oh?"

"We, um...last night, it got awkward."

Shizune raises an eyebrow.

"Not  _ that  _ kind of awkward," Sakura says, backpedalling as she gestures to the chair beside the desk. "I think my heat's getting to him."

"Tough," Shizune says. She accepts the files Sakura hands to her, flicking through them quickly. "What are your theories?"

"Haven't got any."

Somehow, the eyebrow arches higher before Shizune sets a hand on Sakura's knee. "You  _ really  _ haven't got any, or you're just frustrated?"

Sakura groans. "Both? I just want answers, but I keep coming up with more and more questions."

"Talked to Akane?"

Sakura shakes her head, hooking a finger between her lips as she taps her foot against the floor. Her hands tremble before she forces them to still, and she knows the window between normalcy and need is closing quickly. "I didn't want to disturb her so early," she says. "Is she even awake yet?"

"Sedated, but awake," Shizune says. "I can come with you if you'd like. Perhaps she could give you some insight."

"I have to tell her about Suki," Sakura says.

"I think you should wait until she evens out a bit more," Shizune says softly. "I can do it when you're gone, all right?"

"Yeah." Sakura claps her hands on her knees before standing and snagging some paper and a pen from the desk. She gestures to the reports. "I can do it alone, but if you'd like to take a longer look, feel free. I'll be back eventually."

"Be safe," Shizune says.

Sakura gives her a wan smile. "Always.”

She wrestles with herself the entire way to Akane's room and when the door's in front of her, she gives considerable thought to just not going in. She shouldn't, truly--the situation is delicate, Akane's condition tenuous at best--but if it helps, then the risk is hopefully worth it.

Akane is sitting up, her window open for a breeze to flow in and ruffle her hair. Her hands lay still in her lap and she doesn't acknowledge Sakura, save for a slight twitch of her shoulders. "What do you want?"

"To talk," Sakura says, soothing.

"I don't want to talk. I want my alpha, and none of you  _ fucks  _ will tell me where she is. Who are you, anyway?"

"Someone who cares." Sakura walks over and pulls the chair out from the corner to sit next to the bed, twiddling her thumbs as she purses her lips. "Care to tell me about her?"

"What are you, my therapist?" Akane wrinkles her nose as she looks over, scoffing. "She's my alpha, and that's all you need to know."

"All right." Sakura leans back and sets her hands on her knees, following Akane's eyes to a bird fluttering in the tree outside. They sit in contemplative silence until Akane sighs, then hangs her head.

Where's the man who found me?" she asks. "I need to talk to him."

"He's not available at the moment," Sakura says.

"Pity."

"Mhm."

"I think he may be in danger," Akane says, shocking Sakura out of this morning's memories. "Suki, she...he smelled like she did."

"How was that?"

"Sour. Bitter," the other woman says distantly. "Wrong."

Sakura runs her hand through her hair with a low sigh. It's not exactly  _ helpful  _ information, but it's information nonetheless, and so she presses on. "Did Suki have anything that would make her easy to identify? We can see if we can find her, or maybe--"

"She'll come back to me," Akane interrupts. "She has to. She can't leave me like this." She gestures to her neck, eyes filling as her hand drops back to her lap. "She went to check on the wards, but never--never--" Sniffing, she swipes at her eyes with the back of her hand before setting her jaw. "She'll come back."

"What was she like?"

"Beautiful."

Sakura fights the urge to roll her eyes, digging her nails into her palm instead as she nods. “It’s hard without her."

"Yeah."

"Um, what exactly do you mean when you say she smelled  _ bitter,"  _ Sakura asks, doing her best to steer the conversation back into her favor. She risks putting a hand on the bed near Akane's knee and is rewarded with a glare, but also the other woman shifting unconsciously closer.

"Can't you smell?" Akane snips. "Angry,  _ all  _ the time. Like she was constantly approaching a rut and unable to do anything about it. Like she was angry at  _ me  _ about it. But we were working it out, and then...she was gone."

"Akane, did she bite you on purpose?" Sakura asks softly, dread creeping down her spine. "Did you want to be bonded to her?"

"I guess." Akane shrugs, then forces herself to nod. "I wanted to be with her.  _ Want  _ to," she corrects herself.

"Did she ask your permission?"

"...no. Not outright." Akane lays down, pulls the blanket over herself as she curls her legs into her chest. "Leave. I don't want to talk anymore."

"One more question?"

"What?"

"Was there an incident you can think of that preceded the change? Anything she might have done differently, or something that switched in your daily routine?"

Akane stiffens before glancing over her shoulder, and Sakura's stomach drops at the worried furrow between her eyes. "Why?"

"We need to investigate her disappearance." Sakura knows the smile she pastes on is sad, can probably barely be considered a smile, but Akane seems to take it as the peace offering it's meant as. "An answer could get us started on the right path."

"She picked up a job a few months back," Akane answers. "Had to travel between here and her home a lot. It stressed her out so much she picked up smoking again, even though I begged her not to."

"Where was home?" Sakura asks.

"A little village on the east side of River Country."

Sakura freezes, but lets her continue.

"She told me she was going to make things better for us," Akane says. "That some...friend of hers was letting her be--he was going to let her try something in return for more money than we could dream of earning in our lives."

"And that was..." Puzzle pieces are falling into place, painting a clearer picture, but Sakura wants to hear it from Akane's mouth.

She's disappointed, but not surprised when Akane bitterly says she was never told.

"She said she needed to keep it a secret, because it was some classified thing. I just wanted to know she'd be okay, but she couldn't even promise me that. Now look," Akane says.

"I'm so sorry," Sakura murmurs. "You des--"

"Please go." Akane pulls the covers back over her head and when Sakura hears the quiet hitch of a sob, she does as she's asked and walks out, possibilities flying through her mind as she hurries back to Shizune.

The other woman startles when she throws the door open. "Found something?" she asks.

Sakura marches over to the desk and spreads the papers out again, stabbing her finger at the notes. "I told Kakashi nine weeks ago not to start smoking again," she says, ruffling the sheets. "Akane says Suki picked it up recently. How much you want to bet that if I do some digging, the rest of these people started in the last few months?"

"An inhalant," Shizune says, immediately catching on. "You don't think..."

"I think you know as well as I do what I think," Sakura says grimly. "We need to get him in here. We can bring another person along on the mission, but we can't allow him to lose his mind. I don't think the village would survive."

"Who do you want for back up?" Shizune asks.

"No unusual alphas," Sakura says, eyes apologetic. "I don't need him coming unhinged because I showed up with someone he doesn't approve of. Maybe Genma, if you can find him--he might listen to Genma."

"Sakura, where are you--"

"Hurry," Sakura says as she rushes past. "We can't afford a better plan if we're right. We just need to get him somewhere safe."

**

_ Waiting  _ has never been Kakashi's preferred state of existence. The night finds him restless as he paces the apartment, desperate for something to ease the frustration rippling through him and threatening him with madness.

All he can think of is the way Sakura looked in the streetlight, soft and pure and  _ everything  _ he wants,  _ immediately.  _ He knots into his hand to the memory of her scent more than once, and promises himself it's better to get it out now rather than suffer through it later when he's supposed to be  _ protecting  _ her, not fucking her.

Something is  _ wrong. _

He's lost and confused and feels sick as the sun rises, but it's fine. He's fine. He's handled worse than this before--he's not going to ruin the mission for her just because he's some alpha looking for a--

_ Her-- _

\--warm hole to bury himself in, a neck to savage so he  _ knows  _ he's got someone to come back to.

He meets Gai first thing in the morning, and he's no help. His infectious positivity grates on Kakashi's already frayed nerves and sets his teeth on edge. A small run (or two, three, more--he lost count somewhere after lap thirteen) only makes his heart race faster, and when Gai tells him he's got things to do, Kakashi begins to wander because he can't stand the thought of going home to an apartment that's just a box.

Just another empty box.

Birds chirp as he runs a hand through his hair, ruffling it in the mid-morning sun before he fishes in his pockets for the last of his most recent pack. He grumbles as he lights it, scowls at the ground, and oh _. _

_ Oh. _

Perhaps that's why she isn't as desperate for him as the once seemed to be. He's never been particularly keen on making others comfortable in his presence but maybe... It might be easier to want his brokenness if he's not scattering the pieces all over the ground in front of him.

He takes the back alleys on the way to the training grounds, energy still somehow buzzing through him even after the miles he's run. It lights him up from the inside, a desperate call for someone to notice and soothe away the anger, the restlessness.

It  _ hurts,  _ and maybe Sakura's right.

He should see someone, but the thought of being in a hospital around anyone else is too much right now.

Her scent colors the breeze soon enough, cuts straight through the smoke to hit upon every desire he's having at once. It's been fourteen hours since he's last seen her  _ at most,  _ and he decides that fourteen hours is entirely too many for her to be without him. What he could do without, however, is the other scent mingled with hers. It taints it, nearly kills it, and he's a few seconds away from threatening bodily harm upon whoever's the owner before he looks up and sees it's Lee.

It's only Lee.

Lee is  _ touching  _ her.

Kakashi wants to break him. "What are you doing here?" he asks, and if he talks over Lee a little in his questioning Sakura, Lee doesn't seem to want to correct him. When Sakura tells him to be on his way, he stands firm. He needs to know. "How was Sasuke's?"

There's a vein of poison in her eyes when she tells him off about the question. She's quiet, her voice soft, but there's an undeniable threat in the way her shoulders set as she walks toward him. He hates it. She shouldn't be angry at  _ him,  _ doesn't she know how much he wants to be good for her? How much he's trying?

When the wind changes and he's smacked in the face with the fullness of her sweetness, he drops his shoulders. There's  _ anger  _ too, that same poison a bitter undercurrent that makes him want to drop down and bare his stomach so she can just know that he's  _ willing. _

That he's hers.

Instead, he turns tail and leaves. He goes back to his shitty box of an apartment because he's not  _ stupid,  _ just frustrated, and he knows enough to know when he is beaten. His entire being aches with the need to be near her. There's no small part of him that considers doing just that--forgetting propriety and searching her out, stealing her away from anyone who might take her away.

It's just Lee.

_ Lee,  _ who is--dare he say--kinder than Gai, and  _ definitely  _ a much better alpha than Kakashi himself.

_ So show her why you can be better,  _ some dark voice inside him says.  _ Make her see. _

He sits on the bed and runs his hands through his hair with a low hiss, curling in on himself as though that will somehow protect him against the urges rocketing through his veins. When he reaches for his lighter on the nightstand, he pricks his finger on a stray senbon before flicking it angrily at the bookshelf in the corner. The books are strewn about from last night still, none of them providing the same release or escapism they usually do. It's no longer easy to picture a faceless omega, not easy to bring himself off unless he thinks of how good it would feel to rut between Sakura's legs, and--

"No," he growls, lightly smacking his cheek. "Stop."

_ So soft, so wet~ _

He whimpers with want before rolling off the mattress and stumbling to the bathroom to splash freezing water on his face, shocking himself enough that some of the fog clears and he  _ sees  _ himself.

Have his eyes always been so hateful, his body tense enough to snap at the drop of a hat?

Maybe Genma will know.

Kakashi wets his face again before pulling on several more layers, along with his hitai-ate and mask. The less people see the better, because he hates people talking about him to begin with. They don't need any more ammunition to use against him.

He takes the rooftops over, waving off the guards as he flies over stone and sand and shingles. When he alights on the porch railing, he knocks on the glass door and--judging from the noise--scares Genma half to death. The other man gives him the finger when he recognizes him and walks over, opening the door with a sour look on his face.

"Use the door like a normal person next time," he says. "You'll kill me before any mission does."

"Couldn't stand the people today."

Genma sniffs, then takes a step back. "What's wrong with you?"

"Aren't you a treat?"

Genma flushes and ducks his head before padding back to the kitchen and pouring another two cups of coffee. "I thought I had more time before heat really hit," he says. "Ino's at the shop and here I am, alone. Though my cycle's always been a little fucked."

"Ah."

"Why are you here?" Genma leans back, wincing as he catches his elbow on the cutting board. "Didn't think you were supposed to go off your suppressants, too."

Kakashi sets his jaw and glowers at the floor. "Needed someone."

"You, Hatake Kakashi, need someone," Genma says, aghast. "I never thought I'd see the day, you know, but Sakura's prob--"

"Not Sakura," Kakashi bites out. He scratches at his neck, all but clawing at his mask as he searches for a word that doesn't make his skin crawl. "She's too much today."

_ And I am not enough. _

"Something happen last night?" Genma sets his cup down and skirts around Kakashi, shoulders up around his ears as he slinks toward the couch and wraps himself in a blanket. When Kakashi makes an irritated noise, he narrows his eyes. "I'm  _ nesting,  _ which you might give a fuck about, thanks."

"Nothing happened last night."

Genma arches a brow, disbelief written clear on his face. "Ino stopped by at lunch and said she came into the shop this morning, very concerned."

"Is that so?" Kakashi asks.

"Well, she said something more like 'he hurts my friend and I'll kill him, fuck any pack bond,' but the message got across." When Kakashi opens his mouth, about to snap, Genma pats the couch next to him and allows his scent to bloom between them. Kakashi knows it should be comforting, he does. He should appreciate it.

But it's not  _ hers. _

"Sit," Genma orders after a few seconds. "Sit and tell me what the problem is or get out, because you're making me nervous. I don't like you like this, and the girls are concerned." He softens his frame, his eyes. "What's going on, Kakashi, really?"

Kakashi shakes his head.

"Something with Sak--"

"It's not her," Kakashi snaps. "It's...it's--" He pinches the bridge of his nose, breathes deep. "I don't know what's wrong."

When he opens his eyes, Genma meets them. "Are you sure you should be around us?" he asks. There's no judgement, only earnestness, but Kakashi's hackles rise nonetheless. "You know I don't doubt your skill, but..." He sighs. "If you can't control yourself even when she's not around, will another alpha be a problem?"

Kakashi's voice is ice when he finds it. "Do you know me to jeopardize a mission because of  _ feelings?  _ I'm not my father."

Genma winces. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Well--" Kakashi begins, but pauses and lets out some of the breath he's been holding when Genma shrinks back into the arm of the couch. This isn't it. This isn't what he wants,  _ needs,  _ and he presses the heels of his palms into his eyes until he sees colors. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, grateful he's able to at least manage that. "That was uncalled for."

"Are you done?" Genma says softly, peering out from his blanket. "You seem to forget I'm not the enemy here. I have  _ never  _ been your enemy."

Kakashi tucks his legs up on the couch and buries his head in his arms, resting on his knees, and shakes his head. He doesn't know what for, only knows this is  _ wrong,  _ that  _ he  _ is wrong, but Genma's hand on the outside of his leg is warm and grounding.

Genma is not the enemy.

"I feel like shit," he whispers. "But I can't fuck this mission up for her. I won't."

"Then  _ stay. Home.  _ Go to the hospital and get yourself checked out, and then tell Shikamaru he needs to sub in." Genma rubs his thumb in circles over the side of Kakashi's knee, leaning forward until their heads are pressed together. "Sometimes you need to know when you're beaten," he continues. "You're no use to her like this, Kakashi. Please--none of us want to see you hurt, and I'm not afraid to tell Naruto you shouldn't be going."

"I'll be fine in the morning, I just need to sleep," Kakashi says. "I'm  _ going." _

"To the hospital," Genma tacks on, sitting up straight. "You're going to the  _ hospital." _

"I'll consider it."

"Kakashi," Genma says warningly.

"Genma," Kakashi mocks.

Genma huffs and turns away, settling into the arm of the couch once again before glancing out of the corner of his eye. "Do I need to drag you myself, or are you going to be an adult about this?"

"I'll go," Kakashi says, because the last thing he needs is a heat-stricken omega trailing after him, even though it's  _ Genma,  _ and Genma has never been anything but good to him. "And I'll leave you alone. Thanks."

"Stay for a minute," Genma says, quiet and pleading as Kakashi gets up. "Just a minute--could you?"

"Why?"

He knows why. Genma's scent is sour with worry, with an undercurrent of anger and that sweet, sweet smell of heat that  _ should  _ be intoxicating. It's not his  _ job  _ to stay and look after him, but if Ino's going to fuck off--

_ be at work-- _

\--and leave him alone in this time, Kakashi may as well. He perches back on the side of the couch, fingers folded prim and proper on his knees.

Genma needs him.

"I promise I'm done with mission talk," Genma says after a few moments of awkward silence. "Sorry."

"'s fine."

Genma pokes at Kakashi's thigh with his foot, testing the waters before shifting to lean his head against his shoulder. He sighs softly. "Never thought I'd still be in ANBU at this age. Did you?"

Kakashi snorts. "I thought I'd be dead long before this point, but here I am. Are we getting nostalgic instead?"

"No, no, I--" Genma shuts his mouth and shakes his head. "Just heat talking," he mumbles.

"Mm."

"Ino was playing with Himawari the other day and she looked really happy," Genma says. "I can't--we can't--and I never thought I'd--you know?"

Raising an eyebrow, Kakashi looks down. No, he doesn't know. His life has been duty and dedication since before he can remember, and that is no life for a child. He can barely fathom why any shinobi would want one.

Why give an enemy more ability to take what you love?

"Sakura was with them as well," Genma says, and Kakashi's ramshackle walls come tumbling down again at the thought of Sakura's belly swollen with  _ his  _ child. He doesn't even hear the rest of what Genma says, only feels his blood stirring once again with that all-too-familiar desperation to find her and bond.

It's not until Genma shakes him he realizes he's not breathing.

"You good?"

Kakashi gives him a noncommittal noise and a curt nod before standing and sending Genma tumbling back to the couch. "I have to go," he says. "Now."

"You can--"

_ "Now,"  _ Kakashi says, because he can feel himself beginning to shake.

He needs a cigarette.

Maybe a drink.

_ Something... _

He's rocketing out the door and back across the rooftops before Genma can beg for him to stay once more. The wind in his hair carries too many smells, nearly knocks him sideways, and he zips toward the forests around the memorial stone, because maybe, just maybe, there won't be anyone there.

He can find that peace once again before making his way to the hospital.

His breath comes in shallow puffs as he pulls out the remainder of his pack from his pocket, lighting it and squatting down to run his hands through his hair before he looks into the stone.  _ Haunted  _ is the best way to describe his reflection. He looks as though he's seen a ghost, some specter that's caused these sleepless nights and restless days.

Perhaps that's what Sakura truly is--some shade or demon come to wring out what's left of his soul. She's otherworldly in everything she does, from her screams as she launches herself at an assailant to the way she shines in the moonlight.

The way everyone adores her properly, as they should.

_ Except you~ _

"For good reason," he growls. "I'm no good for her. Why can't you  _ remember."  _ He leans forward and taps his head on the stone--harder than he really should--as he tries to quell the feelings he only wants to drown in.

Nothing will be all right if he fucks up this mission for her.

"I bet you'd tell me I'm being an idiot," he says to Rin. "Or that I what, deserve to be happy? You of all people should know better."

He can almost hear the way her laugh would ring across the clearing, and it brings the ghost of a smile to his lips.

"You were a child. You didn't know any better yourself," he continues. "You haven't seen what I've become. What they've made me into."

A shell, that's what he is--a barely there shade of the man everyone thought he would become. Greatness doesn't suit him, he thinks, not after he's spent so long in the shadows. He reaches out to run his fingers across the gleam of the sun, closes his eyes at the thought of how ashamed the ghosts of his past would be to see him now.

"Look at me," he whispers to them. "How can I be good for her if I can't even think about her without this--this--" He holds his arms out, exhaling the last of his smoke as they tremble. "I can't."

_ You're the only one she needs, and in time, she'll see~ _

He's not crazy. He's not one of  _ those  _ alphas, he's just--

_ Desperate~ _

"Yearning."

_ Monster~ _

"Stop."

He can feel the poison swimming in the back of his mind, rippling below the surface of his manufactured calm as they threaten to break through that final barrier of sanity. It's not unique, he tells himself. He's not special. Every shinobi has their secrets, these breakdowns that no one else is allowed to see. It's part of the job. It's fine.

It's fine.

It doesn't affect the mission, it's fine.

Personal life always comes second to the village.

Always.

A low keening noise fills the clearing, and he's well on his way to searching it out and destroying it before he realizes it's  _ him. _

She can't do this. Not to herself, not to him. Not to the village. When has she ever been one to take seduction missions? Why now? Why  _ Kosuke? _

Kakashi doesn't trust it.

She can't.

They'll find someone else who knows the case, another omega who'd be willing to be sullied by dirty hands and leering eyes. Surely they can make it work. They're elite, right? This is what they work with sometimes, they can--she can--

His face twitches along with his fingers as thunder rolls in the distance, clouds gathering to the east. The clean scent of rain drifts in and it  _ should  _ he soothing. It should help him as he rocks back and forth, his only thought that he can't allow his omega to do this.

It's a nice sound,  _ his omega. _

"No," he says again, his voice startlingly loud. "No, she's  _ not,  _ she  _ isn't,  _ she can't, she can't, she can't--"

_ Fuck. _

_ "Fuck,"  _ he yells, smacking a gloved palm against the stone.

"Kakashi?"

He freezes, flexes his fingers on the rock as his eyes widen and he takes in a lungful of Sakura. Sweet, sweet--

_ Tainted~ _

"Sakura?"

Not just Sakura.

"You seem a little distracted, Kakashi," Ino soothes. "What's on your mind?"

Kakashi snarls as he whips his head around. "Stay away from her."

"Kakashi, it's me," Ino says. She holds her hands up. "It's me. Just me."

"I said  _ stay. Away." _

"I think you'd better listen," Sakura whispers to her. Then, louder, "Can I come closer, Kakashi? Can I come see what's wrong?"

Her voice is the most exquisite pain as it wraps around him, soothing even as it cuts him to the core. All that he wants to do is sink into it, sink into  _ her,  _ her presence, but that's impossible with another alpha here.

_ It's just Ino. _

Even if it's Ino.

Thunder rumbles again, and he shrinks back against the memorial with every step Sakura takes. "No closer."

"Okay," she says softly. She kneels, extends her arms in invitation. "Can we talk?"

"Alone."

"Sakura, I don't think that's--"

"Alone," Sakura says, cutting Ino off with a hand before turning to look back at her. "I trust he won't hurt me. Will you hurt me, Kakashi?"

"I wouldn't ever put you in danger," he whimpers. "I  _ won't." _

Ino looks like she's fixing to protest, but at a pleading look from Sakura, relents. "I'll be close, but I'll give you two some space," she says. "Try and...you know." She jerks her head back toward town, and Kakashi's brow furrows. "Kakashi?"

"What?"

"Hurt her and I'll put you in the ground," Ino says. "Got it?"

He's up and halfway to her before Sakura's weight slams into him from the side, knocking him to the grass. "Stay down," she snarls. "Ino is not who you need to worry about right now. Calm yourself."

Kakashi pants into the dirt, doing his best not to strain against her hold so he can pull her into his arms. He winces as Sakura's knee presses against his spine, her fingers tight where they pin his wrists against the small of his back. "Sakura, please," he says, and he's not sure what exactly he's begging for.

Her?

A chance?

A life?

"Genma told us you came to see him," Sakura says, all bite gone. "He says you weren't feeling well. Tell me what's wrong."

"I'm f--"

"Not fine," Sakura interrupts, squeezing a bit tighter. "You're not fine, Kakashi. I  _ knew  _ something was up, and we need to figure out what that is. You need to get well, because I can't--" She takes a deep, shuddering breath. "I can't lose you. I need you too much for you to go where I can't follow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waffling over this chapter for actual months now and I'm still not super confident, so any kind comments would be greatly appreciated as I start writing the third chapter and the Big Things that happen ❤
> 
> You can also find me lurking and yelling about fictional characters on:  
> [Twitter](https://www.twitter.com/aryagraceling)  
> [Discord](https://discord.gg/cM8FaND)  
> [Tumblr](https://aryagraceling.tumblr.com)  
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/groups/601270063618951)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments always read and _very_ much appreciated, and I always do my best to get back to them ❤️
> 
> You can also find me lurking and yelling about fictional characters on:  
> [Twitter](https://www.twitter.com/aryagraceling)  
> [Discord](https://discord.gg/cM8FaND)  
> [Tumblr](https://aryagraceling.tumblr.com)  
> [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/groups/601270063618951)


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